(or Real World U, take your pick.)
Do you know your stripper from your paint? Your sinner from
your saint? If yes, then you are eligible to apply to Peter Gabriel
University! The only school where we take pride in the fact it
takes twice as long to get your degree here than at any other
school. Here's a rundown of the course catalog:
This course taught by Real World studio technicians will allow for those who can barely operate a light switch to become recording professionals (or at least not cause a nuclear meltdown in the studio.)
Pronunciation of Real World Artists Names 101
Can't even mention Daniel Lanois let alone Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan in a conversation? This course will allow you to rattle off the entire list of RW artists without hesitation, or even giggling.
Peter Gabriel's The Art of the Interview
This course, taught by the master himself (when he's not doing something more important, in which case a teaching assistant will take over) will cover the fine points in giving interviews to the media. Points learned: how to give information without really giving information, how to answer a question without really answering a question, and the skill to pause and "um" dramatically. Rambling erratically between philosophies and personal views only you understand is a must. The overall goal is to protect your "air of mystery" by confusing the interviewer, but in a way so that the interviewer doesn't realize it until he or she goes to write the story.
Fiction I
Works covered: Neville Farmer's Reg's World and the Real World Accounting Books.
Gabrielese 101
By the time you finish with this course, you will finally understand what Peter is really saying in "While the Earth Sleeps".
Fiction II: The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway
Taught by Professor Rael, this course explores the Lamb as both a major philosophy and as a religion.
Psychiatric Testing Tools:
This course explores the techniques used to interpret responses given to the new colorized version of the Rorschach Test.
Advanced Mac Bias
Which is faster, the Pentium or the Compaq? Depends on which one you throw out the window first...which is a frequent activity with this course taught by Real World Multimedia. This course explains why the Mac is better, and why those who disagree get assigned to try to catch the falling PC's as they are thrown out the window.
Gabriel Trivia 400
Tina teaches the finer points of those little fascinating facts about Peter Gabriel. This advanced course covers tidbits about Peter Gabriel that even Peter Gabriel doesn't know about. Grading consists of monthly tests. Required reading: The Gallo Books and the Bright Bio.
The Art of Making a Damn Fine Cup of Cappuccino
Tony Levin teaches how to tell the best sort of bean, as well as examining the qualities of different espresso machines. The final exam will require designing your own coffee station.
The Art of Making A Damn Fine Cup of Coffee
A rotating faculty of Solsburians teach that coffee is coffee, and that in itself it good. It's not quality, but quantity is what is truly important. Don't be caught dead with a wimpy teeny-tiny espresso cup when you can enjoy a huge-honkin' mug of your favorite life-juice. Weekly debates with Tony's cappuccino class.
Classes will begin whenever Real World has the time to hold them. Please make tuition checks out to the Solsbury Committee.