Comments in green in Kari Pacer

Comments in blue by Mac Cat

FEED ME TO THE PIGEONS
( Sunday Mercury ) CAROLINE WHEELER; 02-18-2001

MIDLAND star Toyah Wilcox today made a bizarre request - she wants to be fed
to the PIGEONS when she dies.

She wants her body to be cut up, mixed with corn and then fed to the birds on
the Malvern Hills in a Tibetan-style ceremony.

'I would like a sky burial,' she says. 'In Tibet, the village elders
dismember the body and hack it apart.

Yes, that would be what dismember means, Toyah.

'It is quite gruesome. They pommel the body with a boulder or stone, then
they mix it with flour and feed it to the vultures.

No, gruesome would be if they fed you to the vultures while you were still whole and alive!

'But it is regarded as the most sacred burial you can have.

'I want mine held in the Malvern Hills where I grew up. I want my father and
husband to perform the ceremony and I want to be fed to the pigeons or some
kind of specially-imported vulture.

I'll bet that her husband has been looking forward to this day for
a long, long, time! Hey! Random thought. Does anyone really anticipate that their father
will be at their funeral? Seems kinda weird to us...hmmmm...And, what types of specially imported vultures are
there to choose from, BTW?

I can envision the imported vultures being released...and flying far, far away, leaving Toyah to be et up by the more common cardinals and blue jays. Probably wasn't what she had in mind...

'I was always brought up to be afraid of cultures that eat flesh,' says
Toyah. 'But cannibalism is about consuming spirit and the continuation of
that sprit.

No, I think it's just about bein' really damn hungry! And, BTW,
unless Toyah is a bird, it's really not cannibalism at all, is it? Don't you
have to eat your own species????

This is why Toyah is known for being a pretentious artist and not known for winning on Jeopardy!

'It is the greatest mark of respect to eat someone's flesh in these cultures.'

The pop star turned actress talks about her plans in an interview with Kaye
Adams for the TV show "This is Your Funeral" on Channel 5 tonight, and says she
is not scared of death.

This actually sounds like a great show! :)

Oh yeah. Look out, Survivor!

She says she looks forward to her wake, which she hopes will be going on
below as she relives her last moments on earth. 'I have never worked with
David Bowie, but I would like him to carry a flame and to light it in eternal
memory of me,' says Toyah.

Yeah, I'm sure he'll get right on that, Toyah.....

While we're making wishes that will never happen, I'd like a Titanium Powerbook, World Peace, and the ability to sprout wings and fly.

She would also like her other heroes, including Peter Gabriel, Billie
Whitelaw and Dawn French, to attend the celebration, where she expects
everyone to over-eat and get drunk.

Just a tip: have LOTS of vegetable trays and red wine, and some old
girlfriends available!

And candles. Light lots and lots of candles!

Heroes

'At the end of the ceremony, I want all my heroes to be chained to the altar
and to witness a condensed version of my life,' she adds.

That makes sense. I know the only way I'd stick around to watch a condensed version of Toyah's life would be if I was chained to a large slab of marble during the presentation.

'I would then like
a 40-piece orchestra to perform I Want To Be Free.'

Do you have any idea what this song is? Could it be a "Toyah
original"? Shameless plug?

I heard Toyah's second choice for a funeral is to have an open funeral pyre with friends roasting weenies and s'mores...

As an epitaph, the controversial star suggests 'She came, she lisped, she
went.'

Yeah, got to love someone who is *proud* of her lisp! Gag!
That's what I work all day to rid the world of! Shhheeeeeshhhh!

This is sad. I get the impression she's thought a lot more about her funeral than she ever has thought about anything else in her entire life.

CAROLINE WHEELER, FEED ME TO THE PIGEONS. , Sunday Mercury, 02-18-2001, pp
19.