We were going to wait until after the primaries, but we've decided to act now!
The truth is this: The 1996 run for the Presidency is already well underway and there isn't a single candidate with charisma in sight. So we've decided to go ahead and declare PG as the canidate for the Solsburian ticket. Have questions about the campaign? Then, you potential voters, here's the FAQ!
Q: Doesn't a candidate have to be a U.S. citizen in order to run for president?
A: We think that this is a stupid rule...especially since it's a rule that prevents our man from being elected.
Q: So what are you guys going to do about it?
A: Well, we have all the fake documentation made up to make it look like PG is a U.S. citizen. All PG has to do is ditch the English accent, and the election officials will be none the wiser.
Q: What is PG doing in order to win this election?
A: Nothing. He doesn't even know he's running. That's what makes this campaign refreshingly different.
Q: Why should PG become President?
A: Glad you asked!
Has a birthday in February, just like every good President should.
Every household would get a PowerMac!
Real World could take over the Pentagon and convert all nuclear bombs into lovebombs.
Since PG doesn't know he's running, imagine the look on his face if he ever found out he won!
PG could annex Disney World, then convert it to that Real World Theme Park he's always been wanting to build.
Brain Eno, Daniel Lanois, and Laurie Anderson would look great lounging around the Oval Office.
PG already has friends around the world to act as ambassidors.
New poet lauriate: Mary
Parks, of course!
New White House commissioned artist: Lith!
PG's right hand man: John
Underwood!
Person in charge of White House Media Relations: Sinead O'Connor!
New people in charge of White House Web Page: Kevin Johnson, Ben Getsug, William Stefanopolous, Jeff Linakis.
If PG ever decides to take a sabbatical, this guy could seamlessly take over.
And if that guy couldn't handle it, this guy could take over.
Solsbury Eagle looks a lot like patriotic American Bald Eagle.
Solsbury Eagle also doubles as a personal advisor to PG.
Stealth Bombers could be rigged with stereo systems and really big speakers and then sent out to fly around US to give entire nation a sampling of Real World new releases!
Music video genius Steven Johnson could be in charge of jazzing up those televised state-of-the-union address.
Weekly Presidential radio broadcasts to include less talk, more rock!
You might actually get to hear this in a speech: "Walk softly and carry a big sledgehammer."
PG could use "Games Without Frontiers" to explain foreign policy.
PG has already proved adept at cutting costs by having musicians travel in suitcases on the Secret World Tour.
Schools would get unlimited funding, while the U.S. Military would have to hold bake sales for funds.
WOMAD could tour to chip away at national debt.
PG could tax Atlantic Records back to the stone age as revenge for not wanting to release his third solo album.
Real World Multimedia could make a CD ROM of a White House Tour.
Boring White House ballroom could be converted into giant recording/mixing room.
PG has proven trustworthy enough to capture the hearts of Americans, but has background interesting enough to keep the tabloid media happy.
Just for fun, PG could wear old Genesis fox mask when meeting with congressmen.
Gabrielese to be manditorily taught in schools.
Imagine the victory party!
Press conferences would include neat props such as rotating screens and a head mounted camera.
Lively White House concerts would be a regular occurance ("And now...before we play 'Start', let me introduce our special guest on sax: Bill Clinton!")
Since PG would be busy with his presidential duties, he'd actually have a legitamate excuse for not putting out an album in four to eight years.
And the number one reason why PG would make a great president:
New national anthem: "In Your Eyes".
He knows his stripper from his paint, his sinner from the saint, he knows a straight line from a curve (he's got a lot of nerve!) his ladder from his snake, his throttle from the brake, etc. which is a lot more than what we can say for the other candidates.
He's sure to beat this guy and this guy in the election.
Because he looks damn good on U.S. currency!
Because he looks really damn good on U.S. currency!
Any more questions?
Q: Yes. How do I go about voting for PG?
A: Good question. You may go into a voting booth and not find any levers with PG's name on it. That's okay. Ask for a paper ballot. You may not find PG's name on that either...it's a common mistake in national elections where ballots are printed up and they forget a canadate's name. Fortunately, there's usually a blank space provided. Write PG's name there and send it in.
Well, that's it for now. Well keep you updated here on how well the campaign is going. You can help our campaign by giving us your reason why PG would make a good president and maybe a campaign slogan.
Jeff has already helped us out by creating a cool campaign
button. Anyway, here it is:
You can post it on your homepage, or if you don't have a homepage,
you can print it out, cut it out and pin it to your lapel. Or
tape it to your windshield. Or whatever.
To see the list that started our presidential campaign, jump here see the initial list and FAQ.
We sent several Solsburian delegations out around the nation to campaign for our man, and we asked them to send summary reports of how it all went.
Rhode Island
Shaked hands, kissed babies
Invited everyone to local Denny's and bought everyone coffee.
Handed out lots of PG for Pres buttons and bumper stickers and
PG albums.
Discussed song lyrics with the locals.
Left Rhode Island.
Iowa
Shaked hands, kissed babies.
Invited everyone to local Denny's and bought everyone coffee.
Handed out lots of PG for Pres buttons and bumper stickers and
PG albums.
Discussed song lyrics with the locals.
Left Iowa.
Texas
Got confused: Kissed hands, shaked babies.
The "shaking babies" thing did not go over well, especially
since the baby we shaked wasn't a baby, but just a really short
guy. To make a long story short, Ross Perot got really mad.
That might have hurt our party's popularity a bit. But the good news is, when Perot was getting all shook up, his wallet accidentally fell out, and to make a long story short, we now have ample funds for the rest of the campaign.
We decided we needed an edge to this campaign if expected to win, and we came up with one: Since we decided who our candidate should be, then we should be able to decide who the voters should be. We debated ...who should be allowed to vote?
A) Everyone above a certain age.
B) Everyone of a certain sex.
C) Everyone who is certain of their age and sex.
We decided on "C", plus your pets can vote too. Oh yeah, and since our canidate isn't a U.S. citizen, you don't need to be one either...as long as you vote for PG.
And Jeff has been helping in our campaign...not only has he come up with this button, he also made an campaign commercial. It already helped PG's ratings in the polls in Texas. Must be the hat.
