Inspired by learning that PG was teaching apes how to play the keyboards at Georgia State University
At the labratory at Georgia State University
Lab Assistant: Are you ready for today's session?
Gabriel: <silence> Huh? Sorry. Were you talking to me?
LA: Great! Let's get started.
Gabriel: Wait a moment...there's something different about these gorillas...
LA: Well, we got some new ones in the other day from another lab. Think of it as a student exchange program...
Gabriel: How come one of them is brown?
"Gorilla" #1<stage wisper>: That's because the rest of the gang got to the costume shop before I could and all that was left was this Chewbacca outfit...
"Gorillas" #2-5: Shhhhhh! You'll blow our cover!
LA: Well, I didn't get the memo but I believe it's a rare Malaysian gorilla...
Gabriel: And why is one of them holding a mug of coffee...?
"Gorilla" #3: Uh-oh...
"Gorilla" #3 grunts and tosses the mug aside.
LA: Okay, now everyone has their keyboards? Let's start.
All participants start playing, rather badly, except for Gabriel, who's playing a Passion groove, and gorilla #4, who's playing the keyboard intro from "Watchers of the Skies".
"Gorilla" #4 to other "gorillas": I knew those years of piano lessons would pay off.
LA: Okay, stop. From examining their movements, I can tell that this bunch is not nearly as intelligent as the others...perhaps the other lab was giving them drugs or something...
Gorillas look deeply offended, especially #4. "Gorilla#5" starts waving its hands about...
LA: Let's take a break and...wait, one of them is trying to communicate...
"Gorilla" #5 begins using fast-and-furious hand signs...LA watches with great interest and takes notes. Gabriel looks on but not with so much interest, as he's contemplating what he's going to wear to the Toronto "Creative Genius" Tribute..the blue shirt or the red shirt?
LA: Well, Bonzo appears to be saying..."Quit...monkeying around...and finish...the damn album..."
Gabriel: He really said that?
LA: Yes, and not only that, but he used Universal Sign Language. Wait...gorillas don't use Universal Sign Language...people do...
"Gorilla" #2 to "Gorilla" #4: Uh-oh...try to distract them and deliver our message!
"Gorilla" #4 shoves #5 aside and hold up six fingers.
LA: Wait...I've seen this sort of gesture before...six...words?
"Gorilla" #4 nods approvingly, then holds up eight fingers.
Gabriel: I know! Eight syllables!
"Gorilla" #4 puts finger on side of nose and points at Gabriel.
Gabriel: Yeah! I got it right!
LA appauds Gabriel's brilliance.
LA: Okay, six words, eight syllables...
"Gorilla" #4 points at wrist.
LA: Time?
Gabriel: Wristwatch?
"Gorilla" #4 signals "not quite". Thinks a bit, then points to the ceiling.
Gabriel: Sky?
LA: Roof?
"Gorilla" #4 points at clock on the wall, then gestures wildly for about fifteen mintues while everyone looks on, getting clearly frustrated in the process.
LA: I was never good at Charades.
Gabriel: Me neither.
Finally "Gorilla" #4 breaks through the barrier and starts violently shaking a now very scarred Gabriel.
"Gorilla" #4: WHEN WILL YOU BE RELEASING UP?
Gabriel: Help!
LA: Hey, the gorilla talked! We have a major breakthrough here! I'm going to call my supervisor...he'll be very impressed with our work! I could get a promotion!
"Gorilla" #4 gives Gabriel a bear hug and squeezes hard.
"Gorilla" #4: WE'VE WAITED EIGHT !@#$#$ YEARS! YOU OWE US AN ANSWER HERE!
Other "Gorillas": Yeah! We want answers!
Gabriel <gasping>: Help!
LA: Let me give you a hand, Mr. Gabriel. While I'm telling my supervisor the good news, I'll tell him to send over some tranquilizer guns. These test subject gorillas seem to be rather feisty today...
"Gorilla" #3: Tranquilizers? Let's get out of here!
"Gorillas" flee from the lab. Gabriel slumps to the floor.
LA <sighs>: Well, there's goes my promotion...
Gabriel <still a bit dazed>: Do gorillas normally have zippers on their backs?
LA: No. Why?
Gabriel thinks a bit and puts two and two together.
Gabriel <seething with total disdain>: Solsburians!
Later, at a local cafe, the Solsburian Gorilla Sub-Committee take their gorilla masks off and sit down for coffee and banana cream pie.
Solsburian #2: Well, so much for that plan.
Solsburian #1: We're finally close to having a Golden Gabriel Moment, and we blow it!
Solsburian #3 (to #4): So, what was it like to hug Gabriel?
Solsburian #4: It was great! I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.
Solsburian #5: I feel all warm and fuzzy outside, but that's because I still have my costume on.
Solsburian #1: Right. Check please!
The End.