The piece of news that sent the Committee into a panic was on Radio Real World. You see, we knew at the Milia D'Orr Awards that PG decided to bald-ly go where no one had gone before, but we assumed it was just a Momentary Lapse of Reason and he'd come to his senses any day now. With the report on The Moment, it suggests that this one is for good!
What's worse, they tried to lessen the tragedy by saying, "Anyway, balding men are supposed to give off stronger pheromones than hirsute ones, making them much more sexy. " Well, it's a fact: you can't detect pheromones over the Internet, so the vast majority of female fans are getting shorted by this whole hair deal.
We Here at the Hill had an emergency meeting. The first proposal was to instantly transform this page into an Joseph Arthur homepage. Joe has has got PG's backing, a Real World Records contract, he sounds good, and most importantly, he has hair.
We decided that before such a major change should be justified, we would need to do some research on this whole hair issue. We decided to do the Eve thang and brought in some experts to do some analysis, and this is what they came up with:
Forensic expert R. D. Bailiff says that despite the "claims" that it's all due to irreversible hair loss, he could easily go back to the "one-inch" 'do pictured here, but he "simply isn't trying hard enough."
Psychiatrist Dr. R. B. Hartley points out that he decision to shave his head is an act of rebellion against 1) the media 2) his associates 3) us.
Electrician "Bubba" Smith said that the move was in anticipation of an upcoming tour: PG and Tony Levin could easily illuminate an entire stadium using only a 3 kilowatts of lighting. Add a few mirrors and a couple of flashlights, and they could do away with the cumbersome stage lights altogether.
Cyber-expersionallist S. Smalley stated that she believes that now that PG is bald and wears glasses, he will have to make all of his cyber-smileys like this: (8-)
The Editor-in-Chief of the Solsbury Hill homepage claimed that the loss of hair is a result of not getting enough coffee.
Aritst Lillith Skye Rael said that the whole thing is Phil's fault.
After hearing all of the experts, we decided to have lunch. Then we got right back on the issue. Another proposal was made. We could have some sort of hair donating program: people could donate whatever excess hair to us, which we'd collect and pass along to Real World. Even if PG chose not to use the hair, some clever Real Worlder could at least use the donations to knit him a lovely hat.
After many more speeches, we finally came to the conclusion: hair or no hair, we still gotta love PG. He is still the greatest music man around, and we have to accept whatever hair choices he makes.
With this newfound acceptance, we decided to send something to Peter that not only compliments his new hair style, but also his work pace: Turtle Wax!
Ken adds another dimension to the hair issue...
"The whole bald PG thing is indeed a dilemma and a half. I had orginally thought that this was PG's subtle way of campaigning for the role of Captain Picard in the next Star Trek movie, but I read in the paper the other day that Patrick Stewart just signed a contract. I was having fun for a week or so, imagining PG in the captain's chair. 'Errm, Engage!' and that sort of thing. *Sigh*"