The Real World Chef used to have some delicious sounding recipes on RRW. Whilst they sound yummy, the food, as of much of gourmet cooking, lacks the practicality of cooking in the real world (forgive pun).
Nobody wants to go through the trouble of making things from scratch. Who has bulgar wheat, brinjal (aubergine) pickle, courgettes or pine nuts lying around the house? Who even knows what those things are?
Face it, cooking, like gardening, exercise and beekeeping, is work and us Solsburians try to avoid work whenever possible. Especially work we don't even get paid to do.
With that in mind, we have assembled a collection of recipes fit for college students, single people, couch potatoes, addicted web-heads who often forget to eat, and those people who keep science experiments in the refrigerator. Let's begin!
First crack two eggs in a bowl. Pick pieces of shell out of the goop, and try not to think what eggs really are or where they come from. Then dig in the back of your refrigerator for any mystery meat or any other unidentifiable entity that may or may not be dead. Mix it in with the eggs. An hour or so after the nauseous feeling goes away and you regain your appetite, order a pizza.
First you go to the store and get whatever cake mix you want. When you start to make the batter, mix in some cooking sherry, a bottle of rum, a bottle of gin, and whatever other alcoholic beverages you have around the house. If the cake hasn't already been baked all by itself at this point, bake in an oven preheated at 375 degrees until whenever. Upon eating this cake, your guests won't care if it tastes any good, and if you have some, neither will you. Just make sure nobody drives home.
Go to Bob's World of Fire and ask for the "Hell's Cajun Spice Mix". Take the stuff home, fire up the grill so that the fire rivals the Olympic Torch in terms of size. Standing at a safe distance, toss a chicken that you've smothered in the spices onto the grill.
If all goes correctly, the spices will interact with the flames so that it will create a huge fireball, followed by flames that shoot across your backyard and around the neighborhood. Very entertaining for guests.
At this point, the chicken should dance a la the "Sledgehammer" video. When calling the fire department, ask nicely if they would pick up a pizza on the way in.
Also note, it takes eight to ten weeks for eyebrows to regrow.
First you boil some spaghetti for exactly 7 minutes and 45 seconds. Fortunately, that's the exact time for the Secret World Live version of "Steam." Turn up the stereo, toss in the pasta at note one and you'll be fine.
As you dance about your kitchen, prepare the sauce...first you take your average joe tomato sauce, mix it in with some hot pepper (there's always some flamers), some extra-virgin olive oil (Usenet's always gotta have newbies). Put in some relevant ingredients, and add a few things that don't even belong in a sauce, and then, of course, add some Spam.
Toss in the occasional nutball, and once the pasta is done, cut the pasta into short and long threads, pour the sauce and serve. Try not to spill any on your keyboard.
Here are some familiar recipes with a twist:
Slowburn Salsa
Salsa with heat that kicks in ten minutes after you've eaten some.
Phil Collins Angel-Hair Pasta
Same as regular angel-hair pasta, but served in very small portions.
Peter Gabriel Angel-Hair Pasta
An empty plate.
Paula Cole Slaw
It's pretty good but some say it tastes somewhat bitter.
The Cher Salad
Comes with very little dressing.
The Michael Bolton Roast
First you take a Michael Bolton, light the fire and from there, use your imagination.
Kali's PG Slathered in Strawberry Sauce
Take one PG, lots of strawberry sauce, and from there, use your imagination.